I will not apologize for our fertility or our choices. I used to feel slightly guilty about our enormous family, back when my husband and I only had four and five kids. When angry jealous people would tell me that we were personally responsible for “global warming” and “overpopulation,” I’ll admit, I would feel a twinge of [totally misplaced, socially engineered] shame. Now, in the age of untrammelled disclosure and dis-integration, I feel totally at peace with the fact that we are doing our duty to populate the earth with healthy, intelligent, kind, aware, and intact humans, at a time when nothing is more important.
I will not live in Canada as long as I can help it. We left Canada in 2020 and we have no desire to return, mostly because it’s such a dismal and unfriendly country especially for children and families, in so many ways. We live in Central America now, where children are adored and seen as a blessing and welcomed everywhere we go. (And in case you’re curious, we do not receive any social welfare, government, or tax “benefits” from the Canadian government. We became non-residents of Canada back in 2020.)
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I will not ever give birth anywhere other than at home, with only my husband present. Wild, peaceful freebirth has been the foundation of our family bondedness, and is intimately linked to the profound love and passion that my husband and I still feel for each other, even after 18 years together.
If you’re pregnant or thinking about it, the course I created with my husband Lee, Freebirth for Awakened Fathers is for men and women and couples who are devoted to creating a resilient, flourishing family for the long-term, beginning with birth. Learn more here.
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I will not use my children as an excuse for anything. Children are the greatest source of true wealth and prosperity. My children have never been an obstruction or impediment to any aspect of my life—they are my greatest motivation, and have only inspired more abundance, learning, and growth in every way.
I will not skip family dinners or opportunities to spend time with my kids if I can possibly help it. I actually really like my kids, and I adore spending time with them—although our older kids are so busy with their friends and activities that they can be hard to pin down! For that reason especially, family dinners are sacred, and my overall goal with everything I do is to create more time and space for our family to be together, while also contributing to the betterment of the world.
I will not use birth control. We have never used chemical BC, but even natural BC methods (FAM, etc.) have never appealed to us, and run contrary to our spiritual and religious convictions to remain open to each child that may be granted to us by God. We have only benefitted from following God’s will and the spontaneous cadence of biology. But don’t worry! Life has its stages, and just as I adore (and continue to) revel in my fertility, I know that my beldame years will likewise yield gifts and riches yet to behold. Every new phase involves some grief at the loss of the previous one, but for the most part, I am at peace with the process of life.
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I will not take parenting advice from anyone…who a) doesn’t have at least as much experience as I do AND b) whose kids aren’t at least as awesome, well-adjusted, intelligent, and fantastic as mine—which narrows the list ;) . (Gosh, this one really got people going when I posted it on instagram—right here, if you’d like to read the comments section. I’m actually going to be discussing this specific entry on my upcoming Birth Balm episode, because it had such a polarized response!). The truth is, my own kids have, at times, occurred to others as rude, tiresome, difficult, unpleasant, etc.—we all have our moments. In any case, I make a point of not generally giving parenting advice, either. Instead, I’m interested in offering support, witnessing, and hopefully, inspiration— primarily in my private community for women, The Mother Well—click here to join us or to find out more about TMW.
I will not drink alcohol. I used to—to horrifying excess, in my early years, and then, until a couple of years ago, in “moderation,” (whatever that means) so no personal judgement from me whatsoever. But I have been totally and completely sober for a few years now, and the benefits are…infinite, really. There is nothing at all that I miss about alcohol, and I feel increasingly passionate about sharing how much better my life is without it.
I will not be bothered by other people’s projections or judgements of me. There is nothing—nothing!—you can say about me or my amazing children that could possibly shake my ironclad knowing that my kids are wonderful, and that I am at the very least, a totally fine, mediocre, half-decent, good-enough mother.