We left the devices behind
and went to Remanso one afternoon
in rainy season.
*
Lee and our older kids paddled out
past the break to the rolling deep
to wait for the waves.
*
I took the little ones
into the bathwater-warm whitewash
where Margaret, six month sold
sat in the sand, intent and focused
picking up the pebbles
examining each keenly
splashing at the sea
grabbing fistfuls of beach
tasting and feeling it all
painting her slippery salty body with silt
trembling with glee.
*
Helio, two, in his tiny speedo
absorbed himself in unearthing
pearlescent fragments of shell
to bring to his little sister
Mira, Margaretiti—look at this one—
and their big brother, Ignatius, almost five
dived confidently a little way off.
Mum, did you watch me?
Yes. Yes I did.
*
There was no mothering to do
but be there
to witness. To see.
*
And yet just once
I did have a moment of desire—
just a moment—
when I thought to myself
If only I had my phone
I could take just one…
*
Just one photograph
of her round cheeks and dimpled knees
her opulent thighs
Maybe with a snapshot I could capture
the essence of the jewel, the grail
the pith of love, the purpose—
That, right there—the picture
of her tiny toes curling into the cool soft sand
the way her little brother gently drapes his arm
around her shoulder
the light of dusk
the colour of her eyes.
*
Maybe with just an image or two, or five
I could save forever this precious swatch of
substance, emotion
the glory of it, the triumph of
how present we are
right now
of how inexorably beautiful it is
to inhabit this ineffable instance.
*
And, of course, just as that idea
unravelled in my head
so the grains of time slipped
through the fingers of my mind
streaming through the hourglass
washed out on the tide
as the sun broke
into a red-gold blaze
dusting us with radiance
and the knowing that we only had
fifteen or so minutes now
to gather up our towels and chinelas and
*
walk up the path
to the truck before night fell.
*
And so, instead of a reel, or a portrait
or a selfie
*
All I have are these watercolour words
Still, Life.
