Leave the Repulsive Aubrey Marcus Alone

Can't Someone Else Stand Up for This Guy? Poor Little Me

I just watched an excruciating hour of Aubrey Marcus and his deranged spiritual “therapist” Marc Gafni humiliate two clearly vulnerable women in a kind of public struggle session in which everyone involved desperately tries to rationalize one man’s shocking narcissism and selfishness as “spiritual depth.” (Here it is).

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It was incredibly uncomfortable to see these two women allow themselves, their naïveté, and their unmistakable pain to be showcased and objectified…and yet there they were, adults, fully consenting to their own degradation in front of an audience of millions—as is their right.

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It is, of course, blatantly obvious to anyone who has any degree of awareness or discernment, that Marcus (and his incredibly creepy therapist) appear to be predators, and yet the “conversation” has generated a huge reaction. Attention, ultimately, is the purpose and the intention of anything shared online, and as always, conflict and controversy equate to views. That’s how Marcus makes his money, along with selling stuff—and good for him, me too—and we’re all playing into it, by design. Welcome to the internet.

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But like every conflict and conversation, there are actually some important cultural themes and questions at play:

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What is loyalty?

What is a healthy male/female “polarity” in relationship?

What is virtue as men and women? (And do the requirements of that term differ for men and women?)

What is a truly sacred sexuality and how do we define and practice such a thing?

What happens (and how does one respond) when one’s partner decides to change or abandon the contract?

How does personal responsibility—on the part of individual actors in any relational dynamic, AND strangers who consume the narratives that so-called —“influencers”—offer up for public consumption?

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(I’m offering a LIVE workshop for women coming up on June 21st on exactly these issues—along with broader questions about surrender, wifely submission, sexuality and relationship in marriage—join here. )

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I myself recently shared a reel in which I briefly discussed some of the values my husband and I are striving to exemplify for our children and to live out in our marriage, and in it (right here) I mentioned that my husband and I are monogamous, and have been for the entirety of our 20 year relationship—our marriage is not perfect, not by a long shot, but we have managed to stay faithful to each other.

I also mentioned and that we are in the process of converting to Orthodox Christianity (from Anglicanism) and that I am about to give birth to our ninth child, (which will be my 11th child). Interestingly, I got a lot of strong reactions to not only our large family part (unsurprisingly), but to stating the intimate but basic detail about monogamy. Quite a few people were annoyed by this, and asked me why I felt the need to mention such a thing, and I’ve been pondering this, in light of the Marcus debacle.

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Because the issue is NOT just that Marcus and his demented therapist enabler are evidently weaving a veil of manipulation and coercion around two traumatized women (women who obviously have no self-respect or self-esteem) and that in a stunning feat of doublespeak, the two men are openly inverting—or “transing”—the concept of “monogamy,” calling Marcus’ banal midlife crisis playing out in that all too familiar expression of sexual incontinence and immaturity (dude wants to bone a 20 year old) “radical monogamy,” and “expanded monogamy.”

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It’s not just that it’s mortifying to see the unalloyed vanity wafting from the poor clueless 20-something year old concubine, who is plainly enraptured by the distorted projection of herself as “an erotic mystic.” It’s not just that it’s tragic to watch Marcus’ wife open up her wounds on-camera as she desperately tries to convince herself that not only is her husband’s despicable treatment of her fine, but that it’s “spiritual evolution.” And it’s not just pathetic to hear Marcus drone on, verbally ejaculating a seemingly endless stream of spiritual platitudes.

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As I said, I could only watch an hour on account of the nausea, but from what I understand, there is a point during the almost three hours of agonizingly performative abasement in which Marcus reveals his intention to impregnate both women…which adds yet another layer of depravity and darkness to it all. These people are, it appears, profoundly sick, and all the more so on account of their commitment to the delusion that it’s actually through this decadent, onanistic melodrama that they have found, or are on the path to, enlightenment.

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Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that all of this is being fuelled and validated by “plant medicine” ceremonies, naturally. (I know this dynamic well—we lived in Costa Rica for nearly a year, and one of the many reasons we decided to leave that country was the rampant misuse and abuse of psychedelics and mind-altering drugs—a culture in which Lee and I fully participated, before realizing how damaging and frankly satanic it all is.)

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Like many people, I too I find it disturbing that Marcus is described (or describes himself) as the embodiment of the divine masculine and as a “King,” or that Marcus and his wife (and ostensibly now their mistress) offer their own “lineage medicine” which they have dubbed the “God Bomb.”

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But it’s also very very funny—is it not? Who in their right mind would buy a protein powder from this guy, let alone submit themselves to his “spiritual ceremony”? Surely I’m not the only one who would politely decline both invitations? (And not just because I’m the ultimate Orthodox tradwife, either).

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But what’s even funnier, and far far more disturbing than Marcus and his unhinged egomaniacal spiritual bypassing and self-aggrandizement, or even his grotesque manipulation of emotionally injured women, is the response to his shenanigans.

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I watched a couple of YouTube videos (here’s one) in which young women were practically dis-integrated by Marcus’ podcast—trembling, on the verge of tears, losing it, proclaiming their own near pseudo-spiritual breakdown as a result of Marcus’ revelations of “paradoxical monogamy,” as Gafni unscrupulously puts it. This has, apparently, “rattled the collective.”

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Several of these women have recorded themselves whining about having trusted Aubrey Marcus. They reference the fact that he had a “platform,” and “influence,” and therefore a “responsibility” to his audience, and that now he is promoting a lifestyle that is potentially harmful to the “community.”

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Excuse me?

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This is, by far, the most insane and deranged aspect of ALL of this, and once again, I find myself in the very strange position of defending (in a way) an utterly odious man.

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The truth is, Aubrey Marcus bears NO responsibility for how you feel (about him or anything else) or what you do, and he does not owe you anything. Unless you bought a protein powder from him, in which case, he owes you a protein powder (and if you didn’t get the protein powder, by all means, I hope you get your money back).

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I’ve also seen accusations that Marcus’s lifestyle, products, services, and supposedly spiritual rituals constitute a “cult.” Is that so? Well then, don’t join. Or do. Whatever you like. He has every right to make up a religion, proclaim himself a deity, and perform pagan exorcisms. It’s up to you to partake, or not.

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But if, in the end, you decided to put yourself—or mystically find yourself—in the position of “trusting” a random protein powder pervert on the internet…that, sweetheart, is firmly on you.

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I’m going to let you in on a powerful, life-changing secret: You have no obligation to let this happen, and all the power to walk away, to put the phone down, and to go read a good old fashioned book.

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Why on earth would you ever trust an Internet personality? Myself included? Please don’t decide you “trust” me—unless we are actually in relationship, in the world of flesh and bone (and let me assure you, I keep my people close). I don’t deserve (nor do I want) your “trust.” In fact, if you’re “trusting” random internet figureheads, or doctors or nurses, or politicians, or dentists, or college professors, or gurus, you have no idea what trust is, which likely makes you untrustworthy.